Tuesday, March 29, 2011

march 29

ok! im getting my new tattoo this saturday @ 2:30 - sooo excited/nervous/everything.

going to take about 4 hours...i want to do it all in one sitting, none of this going back shit.  i want what i want when i want it!!!!  ive been working extra hard on tightening up my core so the tattoo will look awesome - whatever it takes huh?

as far as the guy issue....hard to say.  i have not seen anyone for years - im not exaggerating either...over 3 years and when i allow those feelings back in to "feel" something for someone else i try and try and try to not act like some uncontrollable twit instead of the mature and strong person i know i am.  its like a mantra i play over to myself - dont screw this up, dont do what you always do that sends them running, dont rush things, dont go overboard, dont text him let him text you first, its all in your head, dont think about him cuz you know hes not thinking about you. 

FUCK!!!!!!

WHY DO I NEED MORE FUCKING VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

march 20

OMG!  the guy ive been talking to is omg gorgeous - smells awesome and his eyes! they are very light blue color and i cant stop looking at them.  shit!  i have to stay focused!!!!!!!!!  i cant screw this up - i dont want to make the mistakes i feel have damaged my past relationships.  focus focus focus

anyway - thought i would give you guys an update on that front :)

now on to other things.  as you all know ive been doing jillian michaels exercises dvds and i just bought the 30-day shred with weights yesterday.  going on a 3 hour bike ride wi my friend, we may get in about 30 miles so i wont have the energy to do her dvd today, but i will tomorrow.   i am seeing results with her dvds and want to keep mixing it up so i can tighten my abs because i found a tattoo i want - FINALLY.  actually, a fellow blogger (cannot remember who, so if it is you that has this kind of tattoo you have excellent taste :) )  this is what i want - what do you think?

Friday, March 11, 2011

march 11

so what can i say about my extended leave?  other than i have been doing the same thing - working and school.  sorry for not posting lovelies 

BUT i am happy to report that i got an "A" in dosage calculations!!!  it was an 8-week course, they just doubled the class time so we didnt have to go the whole 16 weeks, now i just have to focus on cell biology.  holding a "A" in there now, have to maintain it for the rest of the semester.  and this fall i will take anatomy & physiology, nutrition and microcomputer apps, that is all the pre-reqs to get into nursing.

the better i do these classes the higher i rank for getting in.  they only allow 75 applicants in so the competition is fierce!  i have to bring my "A" game.haha

on to other things.  im a creeper of sorts on everyones blog.  i read them every day but rarely comment - bad me!

my car is broke down and it is being worked on, going on 3 weeks now..thank goodness i work from home and my parents live around the corner and i can just use their car if i need to go anywhere.

still exercising to jillian michaels dvd's.  i have 3 now, going to get the 30-day shred one next..i heard it is killer. 

oh - i am talking to this guy...this is huge for me.  i have been single for sooooo long.  i hope this turns into something :)  we JUST started talking, so i will keep you guys posted

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

january 25

have a nasty, yucky cold!  started out with the worst sore throat ive ever had and it lasted for a week...then it turned into that scratchy, gravely almost nonexistent voice for a couple of days and now i have copious amounts of mucous i blow from my nose!  tmi - sorry.

plus side is no fever or crap like that to deal with, so i still feel ok enough to exercise ;)

i want to win the lottery.  what would i do first you ask?  well, my dearies i would do all those things one might expect someone to do when they come into a large sum of money.  i would buy a new house, car, and everything that goes with it.  then i would take a long vacation to countries i didnt think i would ever get to see.  come back and put a big bunch of it away and live off the interest.  

why do those people who win the lottery seem to screw it up and their life falls apart?  wonder why that is?  i mean, i know people will come from near and far expecting a handout and i would give some away, but seriously, if you werent in my life before what in the hell makes you think you can be in it after i have money.  if i didnt talk to you before then im not going to talk to you now - deal with it!

just daydreaming.

maybe i will jog today - i daydream the best when i jog.  it is cold out but the wind isnt blowing and the sun is shining...perfect day to jog.  plus i am still doing jillian michaels workout dvd and i believe my core is strengthening to the point it is taking the stress off my knees - a trainer told me that if you have knee pain to do planks, or work your core.  sooo that is what i have been doing and by george i think they are right!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

january 15

good morning lovelies!

its still colder than a witches tit outside but i went for a jog last night and as backwards as this sounds i enjoy running in the cold.  weird, i know, but i always have.  i like the feeling when i get done and im all hot and with the cold air it feels great.  i especially like the feeling when i start to "thaw" out and the tingling prickles.  i got that last night.  it was super cold but i was in town at my friends house so there was at least some street lights this time :)  and i felt great, my knee didnt hurt much and i really enjoyed it.  it has been a looonnnggg time since i have enjoyed a run.

anyway, still have the 3am wake up with a tornado of thoughts.  oh well, it will pass soon i hope.  this morning i had a dream of an ex boyfriend - i know why i did - i had looked at his fb page before bed.  stupid stupid stupid move.  it wasnt even the ex boyfriend i still care about.  maybe i should look at his...on second thought maybe not.

remember i bought jillian michaels exercise dvd 'no more trouble zones' - well i believe it is starting to work on my core area.  i can finally get through the plank exercises - and get this - i love the plank exercises now!  my obliques are getting stronger and my stomach muscles are too.  i need to get the 30-day shred, ive heard it is kick-butt too - maybe one day i will look like this :) :)

oh! and my arms - omg...i have been using a 5lb weight and i might actually have some definition start showing pretty soon and i can look this this!  (squeals with delight)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

january 12

omg it is COLD outside...5 degrees!!  have i mentioned lately how much i hate winter.

i have been having insomnia lately - havent had that in years!  at least 3-4 years.  every freakin morning about 3am i wake up and my mind is just a flurry of thoughts and i cant seem to quiet it.  like this morning i was thinking if anyone else did this to themselves - you know how when you get "sort of" close to your goal weight your mind really starts to fuck with you and basically makes you think you dont deserve to be at your goal weight because that will mean you have succeeded at something and therefore 'deserve" it when the other thoughts you have constantly tell you that you are worthless, fat, ugly and dont deserve any kind of success or anything then you sabotage your own success by getting fatter and the cycle continues. 

yeah, thats what i was thinking at 3am this morning, nice huh?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

january 11

img!  i had a disgusting dream...i dreamt i was sitting crossed legged playing some kind of game and you know how dreams are weird, it was like i was watching myself and all i could see were these huge fat rolls - like these in the pic IM SERIOUS!  all i could think about was restricting and diet pills after that