Saturday, December 4, 2010

december 4

been cooped up in the house all week.  nothing to do, sometimes living in the country isn't all its cracked up to be.  just too convenient to not go anywhere. 

plus i think too much.  about life, being alone and what my future has in store.  never have enough money to do the real fun stuff.  so many questions with so few answers. 

im rambling about crap that is running through my head so bear with me as this shit falls out and bounces from one thought to another.

its cold outside and i dont want to go out there but i have been inside too long and all i do i eat.  i need to get some groceries and do some more christmas shopping but i dont have enough money for both.  i want to drive around and look at christmas lights but i dont have anyone to share it with.  all my friends are married or have boyfriends.  at the same time i dont want a boyfriend for the inevitable heartache it will bring.  i dont want to get married, or do i?  i dont know. 

my birthday came and went.  1 card from my dad, no cake,no gift,no money.  just some verbal happy birthdays.  yea, happy fuckin birthday to me.

fuck everything  


  1. For more people than will admit it, birthdays merely mark another year further from being where they want. Don't let the calendar judge you. Be grateful your dear father marked the occasion and you didn't face any temptation from store-bought buttercream frosting.

  2. I hate that trapped feeling. Of wanting to leave, but at the same time NOT wanting to go anywhere.

    And it sucks to have no one to share things with. I feel your pain. If was I close, we'd go look at Christmas lights together. : )

  3. Happy Birthday! >< You could try and see the positive side, that you didn't have any cake to tempt you into ruining all your hard work!

    I know what you mean about staying inside all the time. It is horrible and cold outside but a walk will probably make you feel better :( Staying inside for long periods of time is just a recipe for depression.

    I will come take you shopping or anything you fancy to try and cheer you up :)


  4. well happy birthday hun ims orry that i missed it