Friday, December 31, 2010

december 31 - NYE!

as this year comes to a close i am always amazed at what transpired in just short 12 months.  idk if anyone else sees things like this, perhaps everyone does, but when i think about the future it seems so close - like when i think i only have 2 years to finish school and everything...but when i think back 2 years it seems like eons have passed.  its weird

tomorrow is 1/1/11 - pretty cool.  but today i have to work - yuck.  off monday - backwards if you ask me...we should have off today and work monday.

anyway, i got up this morning and thought since it rather nice outside and since i didnt get to go outside yesterday when it was 70 degrees!!!! i decided to go for a jog before the next cold front comes in this afternoon and drops our temp down to 17...yeah, our weather is crzy like that.

it was beautiful - wore shorts and a sweatshirt and got pretty toasty.  ive figured out that i can jog about 1x/ week and my knees dont hurt that bad.  plus i have really been hammering out the jillian michaels dvd workout - it has a lot of plank exercises in it and it makes your abs scream.  i read somewhere that if you strengthen your core that in turn helps with knee ive been doing core work for a few months and think it is helping...still have a long way to go though.  ive neglected my core pretty much my entire life - i absolutely hate working my abs.  ive always been a jogger and until my knees started hurting i didnt have to think about it much.  maybe soon i will have a stomach i can be proud to show.

i also bought jillian michaels protein powder.  vanilla.  you mix it with water - its pretty bland...think i might use a blender and pop in some yogurt to make it creamier.  i drink this for breakfast - 8 oz / 100 calories.  if i use some yogurt it will be fat free kind and a spoonful or two, so maybe take that calories up to 125.

happy new years everyone!  here is to making 2011 OUR year to reach all the goals we set for ourself.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

december 25 - christmas

merry christmas everyone!

i hate to sound scroogish but im not feeling so much in the christmas spirit.  it doesnt excite me anymore.  i know it is about being with friends and family, but i am with them all year long,(except for my bio dad and that family) so technically it is just another day for me.  plus this not getting presents thing is depressing.  i got 1 last year and i will get 1 this year, from my bio dad and his wife. 

plus this year i am on-call with work today and i cant go anywhere, which totally sucks ass.  im getting burned out with my job.  working from home has its advantages but i dont think it is the best solution for someone prone to depression.  it is too convenient to isolate yourself from the rest of the world.  i was so depressed and bored last night i went for a night run - 4 miles, in the dark and seeing as i live in the country, no street lights. just me and the quiet road.  rather nice actually.  but im sure the people driving past me thought i was crazy...and they'd be right :)

so i decided to do something about that - i enrolled back in school again and going for RN.  classes start jan 10.  pretty ambitious but i have always been fascinated with medicine and patient care, i dont have a queasy stomach or anything, needles dont bother me plus i will make the same or more than i am now.  plus i just go in, do my job and leave - no more project deadlines or meeting presentations.  a totally new career for me.  im excited for this new part of my life to begin.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

december 23

my girlfriends and i went out last night - we do this in lieu of buying each other xmas presents.  went to eat at a little family-owned mexican restaurant and had some chips/salsa and beer.  then we all headed to the racino (race track+casino) and had copious amounts of beer.  so much so we karaoked and were the only ones dancing!  i NEVER karaoke - and let me tell you it was bad, we were terrible. 

it didn't matter, we were having a blast!  but ohhh my! the nicotine+beer hangover the next morning sucks!  its a good thing i do this maybe 2x's a year. 
i dont know if i'll be able to exercise today, dizzy and generally feel like shit - good thing i ran 4 miles yesterday. 

my ex husband is not on my good side lately - hasn't sent child support for weeks.  ugh!  not to mention he rarely buys the boys anything.  just sends the check thinking that takes care of everything.  the money he sends barely buys school lunches for the month, nevermind the fact they need clothes, shoes, doctor visits, school supplies.  oh and dont get me started on xmas presents.  he buys them 1 gift!!!  and turns around and buys himself a new big screen plasma tv!  asshole.  he doesnt see he is doing anything wrong.  always been selfish, always will be i guess. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

december 21

just as i thought.  my friend who was trying to set me up on a date with her coworker tells me he is not interested.  big surprise.  just reinforces all that i know about myself - UGLY FATNESS - two of the worst combos ever.  the best part was his reason, he only dates blondes!  are you fucking for real?  how shallow and lame is that?!?!?!

oh well. 

but i did watch the eclipse last night like any dedicated geek would do :)   it was incredible!  the last time it was a lunar eclipse, full moon and winter solstice was 456 years ago.  so cool

you know, i am liking that going vegetarian was easy for me.  i don't miss meat at all.

plus i feel soo much better - its hard to explain, just not heavy, no pun intended...cuz im still a fatty, just more energetic i guess is a good way to put it.  im not weighing myself until i feel that concave in my stomach when i lay down get deeper.  then i'll weigh

stay strong girlies!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

december 19

well obviously ive been bad at posting.  on the flip side, not much has changed.  working alot, baking stuff to give away.  which i enjoy immensely.  i love to bake, but i never do because i eat it.  so this is great that i give it away.  i used to bake alot and take it to work and it would be gone in a nanosecond, but now that i work from home no place to 'take' it to.  oh well.

sometimes i sit and daydream (as im sure all of you do), this daydream was about when i live all by myself, what control i be able to have over what goes in my cupboard and fridge.  NOTHING but vegan stuff.  and very little at that!  the money i will save!!!!

so yesterday i went with my friend to this drawing.  for like a month or so the town gives these tickets to you when you spnd a certain amount at the stores and stuff, then they have this drawing for idk $1,000 or somthing.   anyway, cold as shit out there and the nastiest people ever come out for this thing.  gross, rotting & missing teeth people with bad, and i mean bad hair - mullets everywhere you look.  i was so glad to get out of there.  embarrassing

i bought jillian michaels dvd - the one about trouble areas.   it is pretty is circuit training but it only lasts about 40 minutes, not long enough for me, i want to be glad the dvd is over so i usually end up doing more stuff after.  i get a good ab workout in it though.  i want to go back and get the others i saw...the 30-day shred and maybe another one.

a friend of mine wants to set me up with someone she works with! i HATE being setup.  HATE HATE HATE IT!  the last time she did this she pointed him out to me and me to him, he blatantly ignored me - great shot to the ego.arrrggghhh.  which is numero uno why i dont date, i dont handle rejection well. 

so she was telling me about how funny this guy is (code for not attractive) and sweet (code for fat) so i go her fb page and see a pic - he is so-so, not drop dead attractive and not overweight.  im not keeping my hopes up.

Monday, December 6, 2010

december 6

i appreciate all the comments from by december 4 post - i really do!  i honestly think on top of being prone to bouts of depression that thing they call 'seasonal affective disorder' hits me too.  seriously - the winter blues is not made up!

but - i do feel better...i went to my friends and played with the baby!!!!  i love him and he makes everything all better. 

going out with the girls tonight for salad at olive garden :)  :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

december 4

been cooped up in the house all week.  nothing to do, sometimes living in the country isn't all its cracked up to be.  just too convenient to not go anywhere. 

plus i think too much.  about life, being alone and what my future has in store.  never have enough money to do the real fun stuff.  so many questions with so few answers. 

im rambling about crap that is running through my head so bear with me as this shit falls out and bounces from one thought to another.

its cold outside and i dont want to go out there but i have been inside too long and all i do i eat.  i need to get some groceries and do some more christmas shopping but i dont have enough money for both.  i want to drive around and look at christmas lights but i dont have anyone to share it with.  all my friends are married or have boyfriends.  at the same time i dont want a boyfriend for the inevitable heartache it will bring.  i dont want to get married, or do i?  i dont know. 

my birthday came and went.  1 card from my dad, no cake,no gift,no money.  just some verbal happy birthdays.  yea, happy fuckin birthday to me.

fuck everything  

Friday, December 3, 2010

december 3

omg i am sooo bored.  i dont feel like working even though i have work i could be doing.  everyone i try to call is on vacation, so i'll just peruse the internet for awhile.

only down 1lb.  at least it is down and not up. 

been reading everyone's blog - really enjoy reading about the similarities and each others lives.  technology can be so great.

well, just a short post for now, gotta get back to work i guess.

stay strong!!!