Tuesday, November 30, 2010

november 30

last day of november. wow this year has really flown by. 

got most of my xmas shopping done, would like to buy a few more things but need to check my finances before i do that.

i will weigh in the morning to see how i have been doing.  yesterday i worked out to a a taebo dvd - the bootcamp one and held 5lb weights in my hand the whole time...my arms were like noodles when i was finished.  not sore today, just tight - which is what i look for.  if i dont "feel" something the next day i obviously didnt work out hard enough..its how i gauge whether my body is getting used the routines then i switch it up.

my dad has been over fixing my hallway floor - getting ready to lay down some new flooring and hes fixin a few things before i can start.  love my daddy. cant truthfully say the same thing about my mother.  shes deserves a post all to herslef - selfish, hateful woman.

got a text from the guy i still like - i'll refer to him as F (he is the one i stalk his fb page and found out he is in a relationship)  he thinks we are 'friends' and im over him ending the relationship - what he really doesnt know is im still pissed about it and just told him i wasnt mad at him so i can keep up with what he is doing.  stupid i know, keeps me having heartache whenever he emails or texts me, but i'll be over it eventually. maybe. hopefully.

food for today has been good -
brkfast - multigrain hot cereal with soy milk - 200
lunch - salad with the following:
8 yellow cherry tomatoes, they are soo yummy
4 slices cucumber
1 avg size carrot i cut into sticks
about 1.5 cups lettuce
fat free vinagrette
6 saltines
- 150 estimate

so only 350 so far today.  going to my friends tonight and play with her 18 month old baby!  i love him so much

Sunday, November 28, 2010

november 28

it has been nice not having to work these last few days, but that draws to an end tomorrow. yuck.  i need to win the lottery or something. 

getting up early to feed the calves wasn't as bad as i thought, just glad i dont have to do it every morning, especially on the wet or snowy ones.  speaking of snow, the weatherman said we will likely get more snow this year..and i hate snow so that is gonna suck if we do.  i have also been helping to gather the eggs from the chickens.  my sister lets her chickens run all over so it is like going on an easter egg hunt every day...its a good thing they tend to lay them in the same places.  they moved a horse trailer and found 18 eggs under it! haha - but since it is colder they have only been laying a couple.

i worked out at the gym yesterday and im a little sore today.  not too bad, a good kinda sore.

intake so-so today..
brkfast - 5-grain hot cereal -130
snack - 3 cracker with small piece of cheese - 100
lunch - brown rice with salsa,cheese and lettuce - 200
3 small cookies - 200?
snack - some banana chips - 100
stopping here and no more for today.  trying to stay at or below 800/day

not doing any organized exercise today but i did rake a ton of fucking acorns in the yard.  i hate when we get so many.  i raked and shoveld  about 8 wheelbarrows full of them and it barely made a difference.  i wish there were a market for those things...i would be rich.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

november 25 - thanksgiving

all in all a good day.  and the best part is i didnt eat meat.  i thought about it and realized if i announced it then it would be a topic of discussion so instead i filled half my plate with salad then a spoonful of sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, stuffing and green beans and 1 roll.  nobody even noticed i didnt get turkey or ham. sweet. 

the coldest day of the season and wouldnt you know the last cow decided to have her calf.  jeez. it was probably 25 degrees this morning.  my dad called and told me when i was driving to my stepsisters and said it was white, just like its momma.  my son wants to name it "white meat" - irony at its best i suppose.  at least she is taking care of it and we wont have to bottle feed this one.  it is a little cutie too, looks like a baby lamb cuz its fur has a curl to it. 

i hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

november 23

omg my knee is burning as i sit here - wth does that mean?  i didnt even run today.  ugh!

probably should ice it and not do any impact stuff for few days and see what happens.

nothing extraordinary today, just work and clean house.  went to the gym and the elliptical on lvl 7 to 2.75 miles then did crunches and leg extensions to strengthen muscles around my knee.  need to do some more like that cuz i remember when i had p.t. they had me doing them so i know they are good for me.  i might have to go to the dr so i can gt some more p.t. - they put this thing on the spot that hurts and feels like ants biting you, its weird it hurts a little but not too much.  i just live so far from town its a pain in the ass to go 3x/week like i know they will proabbly say, then its expensive on top of that!  cant win for losing i guess.

i want to be independently wealthy where i buy what i want when i want it and travel all over. 

ho hum, enuf depressing talk.  i did fairly well on food intake today.  had some 5grain hot cereal this morning..freakin love that stuff.  its got oatmeal, flax and some other grains, all organic.  its chewy and so good with soy milk and cinnamon.mmmm  about 200 total i think
lunch - brown rice and few tortilla chips  250 i just need to NOT buy tortilla chips, i love them too much.
dinner - small bowl broccoli cheese soup  150
couple breadsticks 100

trying to decide if i want to trek out on black friday...everyone is going out of town and i dont know if i want to tackle the crowds.  i prefer to buy online, so much more convenient.  besides i told my sis id feed her calves...they are so cute.  both are bottle calves, the mommas wouldnt take care of them so we have to bottle feed them.  i have to be there at 6am and again at 3pm to do that so if i were going on friday id miss all the early birds anyway.  ohwell, guess i just answered me own question.

thanks guys for all the comments and support!  love to you all :)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

november 20

today we celebrated thanksgiving at my sisters early since they are all going out of town and i did it!  i stuck to it...no meat! and nobody harped on me about it.  feelin pretty good about it.

BUT i still have another thanksgiving dinner to make it through and this the one where the stepmother could be offended if i dont eat her stuff....ill play it smooth though so we'll see what happens.

after dinner i exercised for an hour and did lunges and crunches since i have no idea how much my intake was at least i offset it a little.  going jogging tomorrow to burn off more

so im playing around on fb (im a creeper on there, i harldy ever post but always look at what everyone else is doing)  anyway, everyone is posting their pics of the deer they killed today since today was the first day of rifle season.  i just hate to see that.  i mean, i know they overpopulate real quick but they are so pretty and graceful i just hate to see them shot.

all the town are turning on their christmas lights already!  its not even officially thanksgiving yet - seriously!  i am all about christmas, but 1 holiday at a time please.

oh - i had to share this video since a fellow blogger put up a kitty one i want to share the one i absolutely love...no its not my kitty but i did have one exactly like this once

Thursday, November 18, 2010

november 18

havent posted in couple of days.  not much new going on.  its getting cold cuz there is a cold front that moved inlast night.yuck

my knees were hurting so bad yesterday i decided some relaxing yoga would be better than jogging or lunges i usually do.  it was relaxing and i feel better.  hopefully today i can really exercise hard.  i hope i dont have to have any type of surgery on my knees, that is like my biggest fear.  im afraid i wont be the same if i do.

ugh, i have to work on sunday too, just rememberd that...i so hate being on call over the weekend, have to stay at home and fucking go anywhere or do anything.   sometimes i want to look for a new job but i kinda like working from home so i take the good with the bad until i cant take it anymore.

intake yestrday was 800...going lower today!

Friday, November 12, 2010

november 12

dreary rainy day.   yuck.  plus its getting colder.  yuckyuck.

i am so flippin bored.  i exercised twice today, paid my bills and did some laundry then i decided to check on fb what my old bf is up to.  to paint the picture this is a guy that i really really liked and he treated me great.  he broke up with me because he said he had an issue with our age difference (he is 11 years older - guys are supposed to like that right?) and we live to far apart.  25 miles.  we dated for over a year.

anyway, it hurt like hell when he ended it and that pain should be enough reason for me not to date or get involved.  sure it sucks sometimes and i get lonely, but hell, the pain is too great. 

so, i pull him up on fb and hes not a regular user anyway so most of the time nothing has changed.   but i saw he chnged his status to 'in a relationship'  

even after 2 years it felt like someone punched me in the chest.  shes beautiful btw.  skinny, gorgeous auburn hair.  now i secretly think he dumped me because im a fatty

so that answered the battle going on in my head - gonna get skinny! 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

november 11

i think im stuck somewhere between acceptance and disgust with myself.  i mean, i went through treatment a long time ago and had some major breakthroughs - then i went through a period where i didnt have the fight going so much in my head.  now it seems i like i flipflop constantly.  its real hard to explain.  i look around and see pics of how thin i used to be and wnt to be tht way again soooo bad, then the other voice says but you can pretty much eat what you want now and your holding steady, why do you want to do this to yourself again.  and i answer myself by saying, because i want to be beautiful again. im tired of the fat rolls and double chin and grossness all over.

only time will tell i suppose.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

november 10

the one constant in my life is the fact i absolutely must exercise - i cannot go more than 2 days without it or i feel gross.  and another thing, i have to feel a slight tightness the next day..it is my indicator that i exercised sufficiently.  its even better if i am a little sore the next day.  :) 

the weather here has been so beautiful, but it is supposed to be colder in a couple of days AND i don't like the fact it is getting dark at 5freaking30 in the afternoon. 

then thanksgiving is coming up and since i am getting ever so close to being comfortable enough to declare myself a vegetarian, i dont know how i am going to handle thanksgiving.  my family wont understand...or maybe its just me thinking they wont understand.  but i know my stepmom will be offended if i dont eat the turkey...shit.

off to do some lunges.  did the taebo boot camp dvd already but since im supposed to go to dinner with my sis and her friend i need to exercise some more.

stay strong everyone!

Monday, November 8, 2010

november 8

back home finally!  sooo glad to be home - even if i had to work all freakin day saturday and saturday night.  oh well at least i dont have to travel this week

there are so many leaves on the ground, just the signs winter is closer - i hate winter, but i am going to try really hard to not let it get to me this year...try to see something positive about it. 

the wind is blowing strong today too, and im going for a 5-6 mile jog with my sis pretty soon, should be interesting

i took my boys to eat at a japanese steakhouse last night, yummy.  brought most of mine home though.  i did eat the soup (its so yummy, just broth with scallions, mushrooms and onions) and salad then picked on the veggies.  i had shrimp,fish and scallops and ate a bite or two of them then had the sherbet for dessert.   not too bad and i have lunch and dinner for today because there is so much left.

hope everyone is having a good day!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

novermber 3 - nutter post

k, didnt feel like i worked out enough so went back and did another 40 min on the elliptical...now i feel better

november 3

feeling MUCH better today.  lack of sleep and all the stress i guess took its toll.  but i finally got 8 hours of sleep and feel soooo much better.

i just have to say i am envious of portia de rossi's willpower to get down to 82lbs.


breakfast - some starburst about 6 pieces (not the healthiest but oh well)
skinny mocha from starbucks

lunch - 2 slices thin crust pizza (cheese, tomatoes & mushrooms)

dinner - yogurt and cereal bar.

did 10 min ellipitical, 15 min bike then weight training, 21 walking lunges with 10lb weights in each hand and did shoulder presses while down in the lunge position.  then did 45 squats (15 with 15lb weight, 15 with 20 lb weight, 15 with 25lb weight)  did 45 stomach exercise with 6lb ball.  45 tricep extensions.