Friday, December 31, 2010

december 31 - NYE!

as this year comes to a close i am always amazed at what transpired in just short 12 months.  idk if anyone else sees things like this, perhaps everyone does, but when i think about the future it seems so close - like when i think i only have 2 years to finish school and everything...but when i think back 2 years it seems like eons have passed.  its weird

tomorrow is 1/1/11 - pretty cool.  but today i have to work - yuck.  off monday - backwards if you ask me...we should have off today and work monday.

anyway, i got up this morning and thought since it rather nice outside and since i didnt get to go outside yesterday when it was 70 degrees!!!! i decided to go for a jog before the next cold front comes in this afternoon and drops our temp down to 17...yeah, our weather is crzy like that.

it was beautiful - wore shorts and a sweatshirt and got pretty toasty.  ive figured out that i can jog about 1x/ week and my knees dont hurt that bad.  plus i have really been hammering out the jillian michaels dvd workout - it has a lot of plank exercises in it and it makes your abs scream.  i read somewhere that if you strengthen your core that in turn helps with knee ive been doing core work for a few months and think it is helping...still have a long way to go though.  ive neglected my core pretty much my entire life - i absolutely hate working my abs.  ive always been a jogger and until my knees started hurting i didnt have to think about it much.  maybe soon i will have a stomach i can be proud to show.

i also bought jillian michaels protein powder.  vanilla.  you mix it with water - its pretty bland...think i might use a blender and pop in some yogurt to make it creamier.  i drink this for breakfast - 8 oz / 100 calories.  if i use some yogurt it will be fat free kind and a spoonful or two, so maybe take that calories up to 125.

happy new years everyone!  here is to making 2011 OUR year to reach all the goals we set for ourself.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

december 25 - christmas

merry christmas everyone!

i hate to sound scroogish but im not feeling so much in the christmas spirit.  it doesnt excite me anymore.  i know it is about being with friends and family, but i am with them all year long,(except for my bio dad and that family) so technically it is just another day for me.  plus this not getting presents thing is depressing.  i got 1 last year and i will get 1 this year, from my bio dad and his wife. 

plus this year i am on-call with work today and i cant go anywhere, which totally sucks ass.  im getting burned out with my job.  working from home has its advantages but i dont think it is the best solution for someone prone to depression.  it is too convenient to isolate yourself from the rest of the world.  i was so depressed and bored last night i went for a night run - 4 miles, in the dark and seeing as i live in the country, no street lights. just me and the quiet road.  rather nice actually.  but im sure the people driving past me thought i was crazy...and they'd be right :)

so i decided to do something about that - i enrolled back in school again and going for RN.  classes start jan 10.  pretty ambitious but i have always been fascinated with medicine and patient care, i dont have a queasy stomach or anything, needles dont bother me plus i will make the same or more than i am now.  plus i just go in, do my job and leave - no more project deadlines or meeting presentations.  a totally new career for me.  im excited for this new part of my life to begin.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

december 23

my girlfriends and i went out last night - we do this in lieu of buying each other xmas presents.  went to eat at a little family-owned mexican restaurant and had some chips/salsa and beer.  then we all headed to the racino (race track+casino) and had copious amounts of beer.  so much so we karaoked and were the only ones dancing!  i NEVER karaoke - and let me tell you it was bad, we were terrible. 

it didn't matter, we were having a blast!  but ohhh my! the nicotine+beer hangover the next morning sucks!  its a good thing i do this maybe 2x's a year. 
i dont know if i'll be able to exercise today, dizzy and generally feel like shit - good thing i ran 4 miles yesterday. 

my ex husband is not on my good side lately - hasn't sent child support for weeks.  ugh!  not to mention he rarely buys the boys anything.  just sends the check thinking that takes care of everything.  the money he sends barely buys school lunches for the month, nevermind the fact they need clothes, shoes, doctor visits, school supplies.  oh and dont get me started on xmas presents.  he buys them 1 gift!!!  and turns around and buys himself a new big screen plasma tv!  asshole.  he doesnt see he is doing anything wrong.  always been selfish, always will be i guess. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

december 21

just as i thought.  my friend who was trying to set me up on a date with her coworker tells me he is not interested.  big surprise.  just reinforces all that i know about myself - UGLY FATNESS - two of the worst combos ever.  the best part was his reason, he only dates blondes!  are you fucking for real?  how shallow and lame is that?!?!?!

oh well. 

but i did watch the eclipse last night like any dedicated geek would do :)   it was incredible!  the last time it was a lunar eclipse, full moon and winter solstice was 456 years ago.  so cool

you know, i am liking that going vegetarian was easy for me.  i don't miss meat at all.

plus i feel soo much better - its hard to explain, just not heavy, no pun intended...cuz im still a fatty, just more energetic i guess is a good way to put it.  im not weighing myself until i feel that concave in my stomach when i lay down get deeper.  then i'll weigh

stay strong girlies!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

december 19

well obviously ive been bad at posting.  on the flip side, not much has changed.  working alot, baking stuff to give away.  which i enjoy immensely.  i love to bake, but i never do because i eat it.  so this is great that i give it away.  i used to bake alot and take it to work and it would be gone in a nanosecond, but now that i work from home no place to 'take' it to.  oh well.

sometimes i sit and daydream (as im sure all of you do), this daydream was about when i live all by myself, what control i be able to have over what goes in my cupboard and fridge.  NOTHING but vegan stuff.  and very little at that!  the money i will save!!!!

so yesterday i went with my friend to this drawing.  for like a month or so the town gives these tickets to you when you spnd a certain amount at the stores and stuff, then they have this drawing for idk $1,000 or somthing.   anyway, cold as shit out there and the nastiest people ever come out for this thing.  gross, rotting & missing teeth people with bad, and i mean bad hair - mullets everywhere you look.  i was so glad to get out of there.  embarrassing

i bought jillian michaels dvd - the one about trouble areas.   it is pretty is circuit training but it only lasts about 40 minutes, not long enough for me, i want to be glad the dvd is over so i usually end up doing more stuff after.  i get a good ab workout in it though.  i want to go back and get the others i saw...the 30-day shred and maybe another one.

a friend of mine wants to set me up with someone she works with! i HATE being setup.  HATE HATE HATE IT!  the last time she did this she pointed him out to me and me to him, he blatantly ignored me - great shot to the ego.arrrggghhh.  which is numero uno why i dont date, i dont handle rejection well. 

so she was telling me about how funny this guy is (code for not attractive) and sweet (code for fat) so i go her fb page and see a pic - he is so-so, not drop dead attractive and not overweight.  im not keeping my hopes up.

Monday, December 6, 2010

december 6

i appreciate all the comments from by december 4 post - i really do!  i honestly think on top of being prone to bouts of depression that thing they call 'seasonal affective disorder' hits me too.  seriously - the winter blues is not made up!

but - i do feel better...i went to my friends and played with the baby!!!!  i love him and he makes everything all better. 

going out with the girls tonight for salad at olive garden :)  :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

december 4

been cooped up in the house all week.  nothing to do, sometimes living in the country isn't all its cracked up to be.  just too convenient to not go anywhere. 

plus i think too much.  about life, being alone and what my future has in store.  never have enough money to do the real fun stuff.  so many questions with so few answers. 

im rambling about crap that is running through my head so bear with me as this shit falls out and bounces from one thought to another.

its cold outside and i dont want to go out there but i have been inside too long and all i do i eat.  i need to get some groceries and do some more christmas shopping but i dont have enough money for both.  i want to drive around and look at christmas lights but i dont have anyone to share it with.  all my friends are married or have boyfriends.  at the same time i dont want a boyfriend for the inevitable heartache it will bring.  i dont want to get married, or do i?  i dont know. 

my birthday came and went.  1 card from my dad, no cake,no gift,no money.  just some verbal happy birthdays.  yea, happy fuckin birthday to me.

fuck everything  

Friday, December 3, 2010

december 3

omg i am sooo bored.  i dont feel like working even though i have work i could be doing.  everyone i try to call is on vacation, so i'll just peruse the internet for awhile.

only down 1lb.  at least it is down and not up. 

been reading everyone's blog - really enjoy reading about the similarities and each others lives.  technology can be so great.

well, just a short post for now, gotta get back to work i guess.

stay strong!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

november 30

last day of november. wow this year has really flown by. 

got most of my xmas shopping done, would like to buy a few more things but need to check my finances before i do that.

i will weigh in the morning to see how i have been doing.  yesterday i worked out to a a taebo dvd - the bootcamp one and held 5lb weights in my hand the whole arms were like noodles when i was finished.  not sore today, just tight - which is what i look for.  if i dont "feel" something the next day i obviously didnt work out hard enough..its how i gauge whether my body is getting used the routines then i switch it up.

my dad has been over fixing my hallway floor - getting ready to lay down some new flooring and hes fixin a few things before i can start.  love my daddy. cant truthfully say the same thing about my mother.  shes deserves a post all to herslef - selfish, hateful woman.

got a text from the guy i still like - i'll refer to him as F (he is the one i stalk his fb page and found out he is in a relationship)  he thinks we are 'friends' and im over him ending the relationship - what he really doesnt know is im still pissed about it and just told him i wasnt mad at him so i can keep up with what he is doing.  stupid i know, keeps me having heartache whenever he emails or texts me, but i'll be over it eventually. maybe. hopefully.

food for today has been good -
brkfast - multigrain hot cereal with soy milk - 200
lunch - salad with the following:
8 yellow cherry tomatoes, they are soo yummy
4 slices cucumber
1 avg size carrot i cut into sticks
about 1.5 cups lettuce
fat free vinagrette
6 saltines
- 150 estimate

so only 350 so far today.  going to my friends tonight and play with her 18 month old baby!  i love him so much

Sunday, November 28, 2010

november 28

it has been nice not having to work these last few days, but that draws to an end tomorrow. yuck.  i need to win the lottery or something. 

getting up early to feed the calves wasn't as bad as i thought, just glad i dont have to do it every morning, especially on the wet or snowy ones.  speaking of snow, the weatherman said we will likely get more snow this year..and i hate snow so that is gonna suck if we do.  i have also been helping to gather the eggs from the chickens.  my sister lets her chickens run all over so it is like going on an easter egg hunt every day...its a good thing they tend to lay them in the same places.  they moved a horse trailer and found 18 eggs under it! haha - but since it is colder they have only been laying a couple.

i worked out at the gym yesterday and im a little sore today.  not too bad, a good kinda sore.

intake so-so today..
brkfast - 5-grain hot cereal -130
snack - 3 cracker with small piece of cheese - 100
lunch - brown rice with salsa,cheese and lettuce - 200
3 small cookies - 200?
snack - some banana chips - 100
stopping here and no more for today.  trying to stay at or below 800/day

not doing any organized exercise today but i did rake a ton of fucking acorns in the yard.  i hate when we get so many.  i raked and shoveld  about 8 wheelbarrows full of them and it barely made a difference.  i wish there were a market for those things...i would be rich.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

november 25 - thanksgiving

all in all a good day.  and the best part is i didnt eat meat.  i thought about it and realized if i announced it then it would be a topic of discussion so instead i filled half my plate with salad then a spoonful of sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, stuffing and green beans and 1 roll.  nobody even noticed i didnt get turkey or ham. sweet. 

the coldest day of the season and wouldnt you know the last cow decided to have her calf.  jeez. it was probably 25 degrees this morning.  my dad called and told me when i was driving to my stepsisters and said it was white, just like its momma.  my son wants to name it "white meat" - irony at its best i suppose.  at least she is taking care of it and we wont have to bottle feed this one.  it is a little cutie too, looks like a baby lamb cuz its fur has a curl to it. 

i hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

november 23

omg my knee is burning as i sit here - wth does that mean?  i didnt even run today.  ugh!

probably should ice it and not do any impact stuff for few days and see what happens.

nothing extraordinary today, just work and clean house.  went to the gym and the elliptical on lvl 7 to 2.75 miles then did crunches and leg extensions to strengthen muscles around my knee.  need to do some more like that cuz i remember when i had p.t. they had me doing them so i know they are good for me.  i might have to go to the dr so i can gt some more p.t. - they put this thing on the spot that hurts and feels like ants biting you, its weird it hurts a little but not too much.  i just live so far from town its a pain in the ass to go 3x/week like i know they will proabbly say, then its expensive on top of that!  cant win for losing i guess.

i want to be independently wealthy where i buy what i want when i want it and travel all over. 

ho hum, enuf depressing talk.  i did fairly well on food intake today.  had some 5grain hot cereal this morning..freakin love that stuff.  its got oatmeal, flax and some other grains, all organic.  its chewy and so good with soy milk and cinnamon.mmmm  about 200 total i think
lunch - brown rice and few tortilla chips  250 i just need to NOT buy tortilla chips, i love them too much.
dinner - small bowl broccoli cheese soup  150
couple breadsticks 100

trying to decide if i want to trek out on black friday...everyone is going out of town and i dont know if i want to tackle the crowds.  i prefer to buy online, so much more convenient.  besides i told my sis id feed her calves...they are so cute.  both are bottle calves, the mommas wouldnt take care of them so we have to bottle feed them.  i have to be there at 6am and again at 3pm to do that so if i were going on friday id miss all the early birds anyway.  ohwell, guess i just answered me own question.

thanks guys for all the comments and support!  love to you all :)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

november 20

today we celebrated thanksgiving at my sisters early since they are all going out of town and i did it!  i stuck to meat! and nobody harped on me about it.  feelin pretty good about it.

BUT i still have another thanksgiving dinner to make it through and this the one where the stepmother could be offended if i dont eat her stuff....ill play it smooth though so we'll see what happens.

after dinner i exercised for an hour and did lunges and crunches since i have no idea how much my intake was at least i offset it a little.  going jogging tomorrow to burn off more

so im playing around on fb (im a creeper on there, i harldy ever post but always look at what everyone else is doing)  anyway, everyone is posting their pics of the deer they killed today since today was the first day of rifle season.  i just hate to see that.  i mean, i know they overpopulate real quick but they are so pretty and graceful i just hate to see them shot.

all the town are turning on their christmas lights already!  its not even officially thanksgiving yet - seriously!  i am all about christmas, but 1 holiday at a time please.

oh - i had to share this video since a fellow blogger put up a kitty one i want to share the one i absolutely its not my kitty but i did have one exactly like this once

Thursday, November 18, 2010

november 18

havent posted in couple of days.  not much new going on.  its getting cold cuz there is a cold front that moved inlast night.yuck

my knees were hurting so bad yesterday i decided some relaxing yoga would be better than jogging or lunges i usually do.  it was relaxing and i feel better.  hopefully today i can really exercise hard.  i hope i dont have to have any type of surgery on my knees, that is like my biggest fear.  im afraid i wont be the same if i do.

ugh, i have to work on sunday too, just rememberd that...i so hate being on call over the weekend, have to stay at home and fucking go anywhere or do anything.   sometimes i want to look for a new job but i kinda like working from home so i take the good with the bad until i cant take it anymore.

intake yestrday was 800...going lower today!

Friday, November 12, 2010

november 12

dreary rainy day.   yuck.  plus its getting colder.  yuckyuck.

i am so flippin bored.  i exercised twice today, paid my bills and did some laundry then i decided to check on fb what my old bf is up to.  to paint the picture this is a guy that i really really liked and he treated me great.  he broke up with me because he said he had an issue with our age difference (he is 11 years older - guys are supposed to like that right?) and we live to far apart.  25 miles.  we dated for over a year.

anyway, it hurt like hell when he ended it and that pain should be enough reason for me not to date or get involved.  sure it sucks sometimes and i get lonely, but hell, the pain is too great. 

so, i pull him up on fb and hes not a regular user anyway so most of the time nothing has changed.   but i saw he chnged his status to 'in a relationship'  

even after 2 years it felt like someone punched me in the chest.  shes beautiful btw.  skinny, gorgeous auburn hair.  now i secretly think he dumped me because im a fatty

so that answered the battle going on in my head - gonna get skinny! 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

november 11

i think im stuck somewhere between acceptance and disgust with myself.  i mean, i went through treatment a long time ago and had some major breakthroughs - then i went through a period where i didnt have the fight going so much in my head.  now it seems i like i flipflop constantly.  its real hard to explain.  i look around and see pics of how thin i used to be and wnt to be tht way again soooo bad, then the other voice says but you can pretty much eat what you want now and your holding steady, why do you want to do this to yourself again.  and i answer myself by saying, because i want to be beautiful again. im tired of the fat rolls and double chin and grossness all over.

only time will tell i suppose.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

november 10

the one constant in my life is the fact i absolutely must exercise - i cannot go more than 2 days without it or i feel gross.  and another thing, i have to feel a slight tightness the next is my indicator that i exercised sufficiently.  its even better if i am a little sore the next day.  :) 

the weather here has been so beautiful, but it is supposed to be colder in a couple of days AND i don't like the fact it is getting dark at 5freaking30 in the afternoon. 

then thanksgiving is coming up and since i am getting ever so close to being comfortable enough to declare myself a vegetarian, i dont know how i am going to handle thanksgiving.  my family wont understand...or maybe its just me thinking they wont understand.  but i know my stepmom will be offended if i dont eat the turkey...shit.

off to do some lunges.  did the taebo boot camp dvd already but since im supposed to go to dinner with my sis and her friend i need to exercise some more.

stay strong everyone!

Monday, November 8, 2010

november 8

back home finally!  sooo glad to be home - even if i had to work all freakin day saturday and saturday night.  oh well at least i dont have to travel this week

there are so many leaves on the ground, just the signs winter is closer - i hate winter, but i am going to try really hard to not let it get to me this year...try to see something positive about it. 

the wind is blowing strong today too, and im going for a 5-6 mile jog with my sis pretty soon, should be interesting

i took my boys to eat at a japanese steakhouse last night, yummy.  brought most of mine home though.  i did eat the soup (its so yummy, just broth with scallions, mushrooms and onions) and salad then picked on the veggies.  i had shrimp,fish and scallops and ate a bite or two of them then had the sherbet for dessert.   not too bad and i have lunch and dinner for today because there is so much left.

hope everyone is having a good day!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

novermber 3 - nutter post

k, didnt feel like i worked out enough so went back and did another 40 min on the i feel better

november 3

feeling MUCH better today.  lack of sleep and all the stress i guess took its toll.  but i finally got 8 hours of sleep and feel soooo much better.

i just have to say i am envious of portia de rossi's willpower to get down to 82lbs.


breakfast - some starburst about 6 pieces (not the healthiest but oh well)
skinny mocha from starbucks

lunch - 2 slices thin crust pizza (cheese, tomatoes & mushrooms)

dinner - yogurt and cereal bar.

did 10 min ellipitical, 15 min bike then weight training, 21 walking lunges with 10lb weights in each hand and did shoulder presses while down in the lunge position.  then did 45 squats (15 with 15lb weight, 15 with 20 lb weight, 15 with 25lb weight)  did 45 stomach exercise with 6lb ball.  45 tricep extensions.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

halloween 2010

weird not being at home - being alone because you have to is more difficult than being alone because you want to.  gives me too much time with my thoughts! 

just when i think i am "ok" with something the thoughts return.  in no organzied way, just random and stirring up constant fighting dialogue within myself - ugh!  just stop already.

do i want to be with someone?
-no, cuz i dont want the drama
-yes, cuz i miss the closeness that comes with being with someone
-no, cuz its too hard to keep everyone happy
-yes, cuz i want to share things with someone
-no, cuz im not good enough to be with someone
-yes, cuz i want to feel loved by someone

it just goes on and on - then there is the ever present fight with food OMG! 

always comparing myself with other people - too much fat all over me

im ugly, fat, single and just fucking tired of it - all of it.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

october 30

i had a pretty good day.  caught up on some sleep and did some shopping. 

everyone who has commented on my posts i want to say YOU ARE AWESOME!  thanks for the encouraging comments and support - means alot :) !!!

food log was so-so

brkfast - banana
snack - kashi bar, almonds
lunch - this is where i kinda screwed up...i stopped at this little tea room and had a wonderful cup of tea and a profiterole but when i looked them up online they are 64 calories each and i ate 3, but there was some type of chocolate mousse on it.
dinner - soft pretzel and few bites of fruit

im guessing about 800-900 calories.

plus i walked forever today then did elliptical, lunges and some weight training.

stay strong everyone :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

october 27

shit! have to stay another week in ny, dont get to go home on the weekend either.  work work and work.  i miss my kitties and dogs.  i cant wait to see them.

on the other side of my life i havent been able to weigh and i dont think i have lost but with the exercising i think im toning cuz i can feel it in my clothes.

i need to go to a store and find some books to read - the hotel at night is boring!  i dont go down to the bar or anything - just stay in my room and watch tv, but the shows are never any good.  i work out alot - more than i do at home.

i am going to try and jog outside tomorrow...change of pace to the fitness room here at the hotel.

food wise was decent today:

brkfast - 1/2 bagel with tsp cream cheese
lunch - 1/2 veggie quesadilla, some chips with salsa. about 1/2 cup of black beans and some rice.
no dinner, but had a kashi trail mix bar and 100 calorie pack raw almonds. 

ugh - too much food now that i put it in writing.  MUST DO BETTER!!!!!

I WILL DO BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

october 25

i guess one of the greatest things about working on this project is all the stress causes me to workout super hard to relieve all that stress!  i busted ass on the elliptical then did some more time on a stationary bike - then went looking for a store to buy some souvenirs and probably walked another 2 miles.  didnt find a store tho..oh well.

i am in a nice hotel and it is supposed to be non-smoking but people apparently dont give a shit because i smell it and it pisses me off.  i think that is so rude. 

gonna watch two & a half men, mike & molly and sleep!  tomorrow starts early again

Saturday, October 23, 2010

october 23

wow! what a hectic 48 hours.  more than half i was awake working.  the worse of which is over thank goodness. 

but i cannot say i was successful in food intake yesterday..ugh! i dont want to think about it.  today is a new day and i WILL do better.  on the second shift so dont have much time to exercise - hope to squeeze in some before i have to start though.

i miss my kitties and dogs too.  they always sleep with me - or should i say sleep laying all over me. 

about a week to go and i'll be going home.  :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

october 20

no i can't be getting a cold!  i have too much to do tomorrow - will likely be up for 24-36 hours...need to eat oranges and more oranges. 

had to go out to dinner with coworkers to celebrate a birthday - ate great.  got the lite clam chowder and only ate half - the full serving was only 76 calories.  then got seaweed salad, ate about half that and it was 98 calories for the full serving.  then took a bite of sauteed shrimp wonton, 1 boiled shrimp, bite of crab dip and a small roll.   don't know how many calories all that was but when i got back to my room i exercised for 50 minutes.  feel better after doing that.

trying to stay up as long as possible so i dont crash during my all nighter tomorrow night.  i totally hate staying up all night, never been my "cup of tea" you can say.  it takes 3-4 days just to get back to normal.  but oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.  i really love the people i work with and who i work for - i am very,very thankful for that

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

october 19

just got into hotel room here in ny - busy time for the next 10 days or so...good distraction from food which is good.

when i travel i don't know what it is but i tend to eat less and when i do eat it is healthier - go figure!  anyway, here is my food for today:

breakfast:  raisin bran
snack: small handful peanuts
lunch: veggie burger, rice crispy bar
pm snack: trail mix kashi bar

not too bad i think...didnt get to exercise today but i will definitely tomorrow

@bonesarepure - thanks for asking about my sis...she did call her doctor and is making an appt for some meds. 
@almost.skinny - thanks to you too for showing concern for my sis - it means alot to me :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

october 18

breakfast - raisin bran
snack - apple and 100 calorie pack of natural almonds
late lunch - grilled chix wi black beans some cheese and salsa
probably will only nibble on stuff for dinner since i had the late lunch. 

bicycled 25 miles yesterday - felt awesome!
ran 4.5 miles today - felt awesomeR since i haven't been able to run for knees are not behaving.

ever wonder if the person you think is strong, really isn't all that strong?  my sister is that person for me, but now i worry about her.  she went off into the woods AT NIGHT last week having taken pain pills, drank whiskey and had a loaded .45 caliber handgun.  plus she took a knife to her wrists.  nobody was home when she did this but because she couldn't be reached by phone everyone started to worry...good thing she was found before she did anything with that gun. 

just goes to show you even the people who appear to have everything, sometimes do not.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

october 17

putting this out for the world to see is a new experience.  not really caring if anyone reads, just trying something new and see if i can stick with it.

i hate the fact i have gained over 20lbs and everytime i see skinny girls it just reinforces that fact.  i took the peta pledge to go vegan for 30 days, yeah - that lasted about 2 days then i ate some chicken in a wrap.  but that is the only source of meat i have had.  managed to stay away from hamburger, which isnt too hard for me anyway every since i read an article about "pink slime" - totally grossed me to no end. 

i am going to stay strong and really focus on losing this extra weight...i have a friend that has lost 30 lbs..she did it real slow and it took about 2 years, but she did it.  what determniation..i need to be like that.

so here goes - starting stats: